A Special Occasion
by Passion-Chan
Summary: Xelloss makes a special announcement about a special occasion. ONESHOT. CRACKFIC. Happy Halloween! :D Rated T for a crap-load of Potty Words and weirdness. Inspired by XellossLina's 'Is It Too Late'.


...Okay I know I shouldn't even be making a new story since I have yet to update my other one, but I just had to do this. This is my first Slayers story! Yaaaaay!

This story was inspired by XellossLina's 'Is It Too Late?'. It's a lovely story, go read it.

NOW, READ ON MY FRIEND!

* * *

"Get outta my way Gourry!" Growled Lina as she punched said male in the head.

"Gah!" Cried Gourry as he fell out of his chair. Lina began stuffing her face with as much food as she could. The red-head was about to shove a leg of turkey down her throat when she was roughly pushed out of her seat and sent sprawling to the floor. Lina quickly recovered and angrily jump-kicked the blonde swordsman in the back.

"How dare you harm an innocent maiden!" She roared.

Amelia and Zelgadiss only sweat-dropped.

"Gosh," Amelia started. "Those two are really at it today huh Mr. Zelgadiss?"

"They seem just fine to me." Zelgadiss said as he took a sip of his coffee.

Lina currently had Gourry in a headlock and was wolfing down a plate of ribs, Gourry trying to gulp down a bowl of stew without choking in his awkward position.

Amelia laughed and shook her head. "Yeah, you're right Mr. Zelgadiss." Amelia's face then hardened. "For some reason, I can't shake off the feeling that something weird is going to happen." Zelgadiss simply rose a brow.

"Stop eating my stew Gourry! Fireba-" Lina was interupted by an all-too-familiar chuckle,

"Violent as ever eh Lina-chan? You all never cease to supply me with a healthy meal." Xelloss said as he materialized in the air.

"You!"

"Mr. Xelloss!"

"Xelloss!"

"Uh, who are you again?"

"JELLYFISH-BRAINS!" Lina yelled as a bird shaped flame engulfed her arm. She punched Gourry, sending him flying out of the inn. Thus the Falcon Punch was born.

"Gourry!" Cried a soft female voice as it ran after Gourry.

Lina blinked.

Where did Sylphiel come from?

And why didn't she add 'dear' to Gourry?

Zelgadiss growled. He jumped up from the table and grabbed the Mazoku's collar.

"Calm down Mr. Zelgadiss!" Amelia squeaked.

"Now, now Zelgadiss," Xelloss said as if he were scolding a child. "Amelia is right, no need to be rash. Can't we just get along like the friends we are?"

That really ticked Zelgadiss off.

"Friends? Friends!? You really think that you and I are friends? The nerve of you! Where did you come up with that silly-"

"Zel," Lina stopped him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Let him go."

Zelgadiss' arm loosened, but his grasp on the other male did not.

"Go on." The red-head ushered him.

Zelgadiss lowered his head in defeat, his fist shaking in pure rage. He hated this, he really did. The rock-man released Xellos and with the flip off his cloak, walked away from the group and to another table.

"Mr. Zelgadiss..." Amelia trailed off sadly.

"Now," Lina said as she stretched.

Lina was at Xelloss' throat so quick, you would've thought she teleported.

"Just who the hell do you think you are you fruity frog! NO ONE calls me 'Lina-chan' and gets away with it!"

Xelloss' world spinned round and round as Lina proceeded to make a maraca out of him.

"But Ms. Lina, no was harm was meant to be done." He weakly said.

"No harm my ass." She countered before she let him go. "Now what the hell do you want?"

Xelloss stood up and dusted himself off, taking his sweet, sweet time.

A vein appeared on Lina's head.

"Time is of the essence, Xelloss." The red-head gritted her teeth.

Xelloss only grinned his signature shit-eating grin. He sat down in the chair that was previously Zelgadiss' and motioned for a waitress.

"A slice of chocolate cake if you would."

"Yes sir!" replied the waitress happily.

Lina started to growl.

"Uh, Mr. Xelloss. Would you mind answering Lina's question?" Amelia asked unsure of her own voice.

Silence.

"Er, here's your cake sir. Enjoy." The waitress said, aware of the tension.

Xelloss perked up. "Why thank you.

When the waitress walked away, Xelloss picked up his fork and sliced himself a piece. He slipped the piece in his mouth and nodded in approval.

"This cake is rather good Ms. Lina, would you like a-"

"God dammit Xelloss, stop bull-shitting and tell us what you want!" Lina roared. Amelia shrunk back in fear.

The purple-haired male sat his fork down and opened both eyes.

Lina exhaled air. His eyes were unnerveing to her, but she wouldn't dare let him know that. Then she remembered, he only opened his eyes when something serious was going on. She knew she was in some deep-shit now.

"Well, I've come to tell you about a rather special occasion that you all are invited to."

At this same moment, Sylphiel walked back into the inn helping a burnt and limping Gourry.

Lina snickered.

"A special occasion? Like a party? Oh how nice Mr. Xelloss!" Beamed Amelia. " Inviting your friends to celebrate something important to you must be Justice doing it's work in your evil heart!" Amelia jumped on top of the table and struck a pose.

"Uh, if that's how you see it." The Mazoku said uncertainly.

Amelia sat back down. "Now tell me, what's the occasion?"

"I believe it's what you humans call...a wedding, yes?"

There was silence.

"A wedding! Oh Mr. Xelloss! You have fallen in love with a lovely young maiden and you wish to-" Amelia stopped herself. "Wait..."

"A WEDDING!?" Cried Lina and Amelia.

A few tables away, Zelgadiss choked on his coffee and turned bluer than he already was.

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?" Lina exclaimed in shock.

"TO WHO?!" Asked Amelia in the same amount of shock as Lina was.

Sylphiel and Gourry and finally made their way back to the table. The shrime maiden helped Gourry into his seat.

"Thanks a bunch Sylphiel!" Chriped Gourry.

"Oh it was nothing Gourry." she replied meekly replied. Her eyes landed on Xelloss and she blushed.

Lina, Amelia, and Zelgadiss' eyes widened.

"My God," Whispered Zelgadiss.

Sylphiel took a seat next to Xelloss.

"Don't tell me it's..." Lina continued.

Xelloss wrapped an arm around the shrine maiden

"SYLPHIEL!?" Finished Amelia.

Xelloss kissed Sylphiel.

Lina fainted.

Zelgadiss had a heart attack and died.

Amelia had a seizure and died.

Gourry ate and died.

But suddenly, Lina woke up and declared her love for Xelloss. The two began to make out and made tons and tons of babies.

* * *

"The End." Xelloss declared happily.

The other five people around the campfire were silent.

Xelloss frowned. Did they not like his story? It took him quite a while to make, maybe they were just- _'snap'_ The sound of a twig stopped him in his thinking process.

All hell soon broke loose.

"XELLOSS! LIKE I WOULD EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"OH THE HORROR! MR. XELLOSS WHY WOULD YOU TELL US A STORY THAT SCARY?!"

"You don't know how much I hate you right now."

**"Darkness beyond twilight,"**

"Gourry-dear, I'm so scared!"

"It's okay Syphiel! I'm here!"

"I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN!"

"I seriously fucking hate you Xelloss."

**"Crimson beyond blood that flows,"**

"Oh I wish my father was still here, he knows just what to calm me down."

"Hey Xelloss, what's a wedding? Is that a food? Sounds tasty."

"Oh yes Gourry. It's quite tasty indeed. Especially the activites that follow when the bride and groom go back to their room to fuc-"

"MAKE SANDWICHES! YES MR. GOURRY, MAKE SANDWICHES. AFTER THE WEDDING, THE BRIDE AND GROOM GO MAKE SANDWICHES. HAHA."

"You're a horrible liar Amelia."

**"Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows."**

"O-o-oh my..."

"Hey Sylphiel! Let's have a wedding so that we could make sandwiches!"

*Snickers*

"SEE WHAT YOU DID MR. XELLOSS! IT'S UNJUST! TALKING ABOUT SUCH PRIVATE THINGS IN PUBLIC!"

"You all need help."

**"I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand,"**

*Blushes* "We can make sandwiches Gourry-dear, but we can't have a wedding just yet."

"Oh ok. Hey, what's a Falcon Punch?"

"Oh, so you would make sandwiches with him Sylphiel? Tell me, do you prefer making your sandwiches hard and fast? Or nice and slow? Ooh, imagine how kinky that would be! Tomato would be a code word for 'faster', lettuce would be for 'harder'!"

"MR. XELLOSS I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!"

"People like you are the reason why God doesn't talk to us anymore, Xelloss."

**"Before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hands."**

"I-I-I could n-neve-" *Faints*

"Sylphiel! What's wrong? What happened to her you guys?"

"I'm not sure Gourry, but I sure want to make some sandwiches right now. Pure raw, animalistic sandwiches."

"STOP THIS EVIL TALK OF LUST MR. XELLOSS. MAKING SANDWICHES IS SOMETHING YOU DO WITH LOVE!"

"I need coffee."

**"Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed,"**

*Is still unconscious*

"Sylphiellllll! Wake uppppp!"

"Linaaa~ How about you and I go make some sandwiches? We can make them however you like~."

"MS. LINA WOULD NEVER, EVER DO THAT WITH YOU MR. XELLOS! WAITING FOR MARRIAGE IS RIGHT! Besides...Mr. Gourry would be better...WHAT AM I SAYING?! SEE, YOUR EVIL TALK HAS GOTTEN TO ME!"

"We're about to die you guys."

**"by the power you and I posses..."**

*Still isn't awake*

"Sylphielllllllllllllllll!"

"So you're saying a human male would be better at making sandwiches than a monster with great stamina and speed? My, my. Aren't you the ignorant one Amelia?"

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT AT ALL!"

"Nice knowing you guys."

**"DRAGOOOON SLAVEEEEE!"**

* * *

Idon'tevenknowwhatisthiswhatislife

NOT EXPECTING THAT WERE YOU? I hope you weren't. DID I FOOL YOU? I hope I did. DID YOU LIKE IT? I hope you did.

But if not, it's okay because I can go cry in the corner by myself you know. It's all good.

Xelloss tells some great campfire stories huh? He scared the heebie-jeebies out of Lina and co. (Lol heebie-jeebies)

On a serious note, the story wasn't even supposed to turn out like this. Like wtf is with the ending? I just wrote retarded crap. But it's funny.

Funny to me at least.

_I'm a fucking loser._

**R&R :D**


End file.
